The Great Gross-Off: Hard Mountain Dew Edition

When I was a much younger person in the 1980s and '90s, soda was a regular part of my diet. This was the opposite of unusual during that era; if anyone understood or was concerned about its grotesque effects on the human body, they did a pretty good job of hiding it from me. Fortunately, my digestive system eventually issued its own wake-up call — by the time I hit my early 20s, fizzy high fructose corn syrup had largely lost its appeal. These days, I'll generally only consider drinking soda if it's been mixed with alcohol, which might seem on paper like it's just doubling down on a bad idea, but is in practice often rather delightful.

Which brings us to Hard Mountain Dew.